Alan Alda and his wife, Arlene Alda, have openly discussed what they would do if the other person died
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The couple, married since 1957, bonded over humor and a shared moment involving rum cake at a party
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Despite his Parkinson's diagnosis, Alda remains active and credits curiosity and improvisation for his positive outlook
Alan Aldaisn't scared of talking about death, especially with his wife,Arlene Alda.
As part of the Alan Alda, Joy Behar, and Roger Rosenblatt in Conversation: More Rules for Aging event at 92NY in New York City on Thursday, May 21, theM*A*S*Hstar got candid about how they discuss death “all the time.”
"One time, we pickedCarl Reinerup to take him someplace to dinner and as we were driving, Carl's wife had just died and we told him how Arlene and I talk all the time about what we'd do [about] who died first," Alda, 90, said.
"If I died first, what would her life be like? If she died first, what would I do? And just around then, I drove over to the divider of Sunset Boulevard. A little bit of sidewalk," he added. "Just bounced away. And Carl said, 'You know the way you drive, you don't have to worry.' "
Alda also spoke about how he feels about his current age.
"I was just thinking of the day, the actual day that I was 90 this year," he said. "We went out to dinner and the waiter came by at the end of the meal with a cupcake with a candle in it and led the restaurant in singing, saying, 'Happy birthday, older gentleman.' Then I blew out the candle and they said, 'You did it yourself. I didn't help you.' They kind of let you know."
Alda married Arlene when he was 21 in 1957 after a chance meeting at a party, which involved both of them eating rum cake that fell on the floor.
"We did eat the rum cake off the floor and were inseparable after that. But I was captivated by her even earlier in the meal when I heard her at the end of the table laughing at my jokes. She had me at Ha,"he wrote on X.
"He was a kindred spirit who was also funny, so there was this great chemistry," she toldThe New York Timesin 2015. "It sure was fun and delightful to be with him that night. Boys from Manhattan didn't date girls from the Bronx. That was a given. It was too long of a trip. He took me home to the Bronx. Unheard of."
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The couple have been inseparable since. They now have three daughters — Eve, Elizabeth and Beatrice — and many grandchildren.
Alda famously landed his big break as Hawkeye Pierce inM*A*S*H, which ran from 1972 to 1983. He won six Golden Globes and three Emmys for the role, as well as one Emmy for writing and another for directing.
In 1975, Alda spoke to PEOPLE about how he wove his family life into the sitcomWe'll Get By.
"It's an attempt to show a family living the way people really do live — and not as they do on television," he said at the time. "Once I was watching a tape of the show at home in which there was an argument between mother and daughter. I turned around and my wife and one of my daughters were having exactly the same argument."
He went on to receive an Oscar nomination for playing Senator Brewster in 2004'sThe Aviatorand won another Emmy for a role onThe West Wing.
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Although Alda was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2015, he didn't share his condition publicly until 2018. "My life hasn't changed much," he said. "I just applied my curiosity to it. I'm constantly reading and trying to figure out the best approaches."
A few years later in 2019, Alda told PEOPLE about his dynamic with Arlene.
"We still experience a kind of puppy love," he said. "I really have never made plans for the future. My life is more of an improvisation. I just try to make the best of what's in front of me."
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